Goodbye L.A…………………SIKE

I take pride in my reflexes.  If myself or anyone around me drops something, chances are pretty good I will snag it.  Many-a-time, back in my barista days, your standard nutritionally uninformed customer would bust out the change for their grande-type-2-diabetes-in-a-cup only to have their change flippantly roll across the counter.  And I, the heroic operator of the cash register*, would swipe that coinage right up as it flew off the counter**.

Unfortunately, it is not with the same reflexes with which I attend to this blog.  It is of the contrary.  Something awe-inspiring, ridiculous, or victorious will happen, and it will only be documented anywhere from one fortnight to seven score later, if EVER.  I would like to rectify this problem with a brief digression.  Last friday, I was at that cool German bar that I saw Jemaine at, and I was asked by my waitress if I would like yet another beer.  Skeptical that I did indeed want another beer, I sighed and asked her what time it was, to which she replied with utter seriousness and urgency,

“Beer Thirty.”

It was so poignant, pithy, and appropriate (qualities which, I am proud to say, are the essence of this blog), that I had no choice but to enjoy another Oktoberfest.  Coincidentally, German Oktoberfest tastes just as good at “Beer:30″ as it does at other times of the day.  Needless to say, my waitress was tipped appropriately.  I have a feeling she had me figured out.  I probably shouldn’t go back.

Ok, the digression is over.  I hope you enjoyed the digression.  But I digress.  N-E-WAYS, I’ve known for quite some time now that I have needed to write a little bit about my depressingly-ironic, and dare I type with fear in my fingers, semi-permanent move BACK to Los Diablos (I almost typed “permanent” there, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it).  It all started just like it was August ’09.  Me and my Subaru, careening down Interstate 5.  Only this time, I was delightfully welcomed by a cop in Redding, who did not hesitate to write me up a ticket for driving “too fast in the rain” (I’m from OREGON and I’m in a SUBARU.  I’m not even driving TOO FAST FOR THE ICE) and greet me with “OOOooohhh coming down from Oregon now you are like a bat outta hell aren’t you!”.  Oh, sorry officer, I believe you mean a bat INTO hell who doesn’t want to waste his time delaying the inevitable.

Anyways I’m back.  With $209 fewer dollars then I thought I’d get here with.

Speaking of hell, I know I talk smack about this place a lot, and some of it is unfair.  It’s only because it is really easy to do, and I’m kind of a bully.  Sorry, Los Angeles.

Things have improved immensely from since I was in grad school a.k.a. torture rack for the brain, in the big red circle labeled “210″. Consider the following.

- I have a decent job programming in the Visual FX industry, which is kinda what I wanted to do in the first place.  Yes, I do have to stare at

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all day, but its a real job in an interesting field that pays real money.  All rare items these days.

- I live near the closest area L.A. has to Portland (“Silverlake”, which is not saying much), in the closest thing L.A. has to Multnomah Village (“Atwater Village”, which is not saying much).  But it’s still better than circle two-ten.

- I am no longer submitting myself to endless torment and gnashing of teeth (homework and studying), but rather I am learning to cook, fix my car, shower, shave, and even work out regularly with Mr. Tony most-absurd-guy-alive Horton.

- Netflix.  Streaming on my new Playstation 3.

- I will soon be able to afford my own piano, AND I HAVE A PLACE TO PUT IT.  I would have gotten it already had my car not needed a new catalytic converter.  Besides, I don’t know why I even need a catalytic converter.  There is so much smog down here already, there is really no point in trying, and there is especially no point in requiring me to spend $1000 so my measly car produces slightly less toxic emissions.  You want to fix smog, L.A.?  Don’t require me to buy a new converter.  Require yourself to build a public transportation system like normal cities.  I recommend the one from the movie Minority Report, with the tube cars that drive up the sides of buildings.  At least that’s the best one I’ve seen.

- I have excuses to buy tools.  Like building things, fixing things, and mounting things.  I just picked up my first socket set at Autozone today.  I want to make a robot, but not a robot that does stupid nerdy things like vacuuming or math, but one that does awesome things like snowboarding and making steak tacos.

So there you have it folks.  I might be back in L.A…….but I also can’t complain.  Stay tuned for more.  My advice to everyone……hurry up and get out of school so you can LIVE.

* Wittingly referred to as “Starbucks Actual” by my fellow BSG loving (and therefore cooler and more socially intelligent) employees

** A feat that, while it did not get me better tips, did improve my self-esteem

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